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Faith and Practice

“One should not reason too much; it is enough if one loves the Lotus Feet of the Mother.”
Ramakrishna


 This hits me today. I was just thinking (there I go again!) about how I have such trouble keeping my attention on the mantram whenever I try to repeat it. I believe part of the reason is I start thinking about the mantram: how important it is to repeat it regularly, the benefits of doing so, how I might find more opportunities to do it, and so on. Of course, the minute this kind of pondering begins I’ve lost the mantram itself. What’s so damned frustrating is I often don’t even notice that I’m getting pulled away before I’m down the rabbit hole again. Ultimately what drives my distraction is fear. I am afraid, or rather my ego is afraid, of the emptiness, the void into which it seems the mantram will carry me. Absence of thought equals absence of self, and absence of self equals nothingness, a blank. So the reasoning mind sees it. And in a sense it is true, the great ones say. But they also talk of fullness, of wholeness, of union, and of abiding joy. In other words, words are inadequate. The thing must be experienced. But without long and arduous practice, the experience will never come. And in the face of existential fear, keeping up the practice can feel Sisyphean. This is where faith is essential, I am beginning to see. Faith in the words of the teacher, in the lives and testimonies of the saints and mystics. Faith can carry me far beyond reason, deep into the abyss from which the intellect recoils. I believe it is only through faith that I can hope to grow in the grip of doubt.

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